THE PARIS WEEKLY, FEB 1-FEB 7.

[0hlalamoderation]

[ cw: drugs. ]

7 DAY WEATHER FORECAST

WED FEB 1 - Some wind carrying the strong stench of sewer, most notable around the Montmartre area and the Right Bank. Later in the day, a fine drizzle of rain across the whole city which also smells like sewage where it touches skin.

THURS FEB 2 - A sunny day bathed in a sharp light that easily blinds drivers and pedestrians. The stench of sewer is still prevailing, having now spread to the Left Bank, too, due to a change of wind during the night. The rising temperatures also worsens the smell.

FRI FEB 3 - Another sunny day in Paris, though colder than the previous day. During the night, a thunderstorm has passed over the city, drenching the streets in fresh, cooling rain. Everything smells fresh and clean again. Not a cloud in the sky all day.

SAT FEB 4 - Late winter snow! It has snowed all night, covering the city in a thick white carpet of snow, perfect density for snowmen. While it will continue to snow a little throughout the day, it remains a clear day with little wind and crisp, sub-zero temperatures. Drive carefully!

SUN FEB 5 - As the temperature continues to drop, snow builds on top of snow, leaving the streets, parks and houses covered in meter-deep snowbanks. The frozen ground is beginning to look more like ice, and it is advised that people put on skates to get around today.

MON FEB 6 - Then, suddenly, overnight, all the snow melts away, revealing beneath it a muddy, drenched underground. In certain areas patches of white are still visible, but upon inspection you’ll find it’s not snow, but coke, dug out from its hiding place by the weater. Police!

TUES FEB 7 - All over the city, the find of coke has closed off streets and neighbourhoods. Traffic will be rerouted and a heavy presence of police in the street view is to be expected. Under a clear, blue sky and in warm sunshine, try not to step on another bag of coke, washed up on the banks of the Seine! You might just get a high you didn’t ask for.

TRAFFIC ANNOUNCEMENTS

MON FEB. 1 - During the night, the lids to the sewage systems in the streets behind the Eiffel Tower have all been opened, releasing the stench of sewer into the city. Please use face masks in the immediate area around the Eiffel Tower not to inhale minuscule particles from the sewers. We expect the issue to take a few days to have been righted. Courage!

SUN FEB 5 - Due to the build-up of snow and ice and the low temperatures, it is advised that Parisians who are on the move today bring skates and skis to get to their designated destinations. Driving is ill-advised and even walking is giving some problems. Careful on your daily journeys, fellow citizens!

EXHIBIT REVIEW

THE LOUVRE, ALL OF FEBRUARY - Having recently bought the rights to showcase a major collection of artwork from the French Rococo period, among these several newly discovered portraits of the Queen Marie Antoinette, the Louvre has devoted a whole wing to exhibiting these as well as historical artefacts from the time, borrowed from the Palace of Versailles’ secret storages.

It is an expansive exhibit that may require one or two revisits to gain full enjoyment of all the paintings and historical titbits from a France long lost. Especially the three new portraits of the last Queen of France are worth going for, displayed along with a small selection of her toiletries.

We advise the visitor to pay a visit to the museum’s café as well before leaving, as they have a Marie Antoinette special that might amuse. It is a small case of macarons, decorated so they each look like they’re wearing a powdered wig.

RESTAURANT REVIEW

THE GOAT, LATIN QUARTERS - The Goat is a small restaurant located behind the Notre Dame, currently being restored, with only room for 30-40 people on a busy night, but its small, dark, wooden interior and great wall of red wines and ports, doesn’t lend itself to crowds. It is an intimate place where one goes to get the cheese plate and a glass of red, rather than a full-course meal. They have no desserts on their card, specializing in cheeses, appetizers and meaty main courses. As the French like it.

We had an onion soup, complete with cheese lid and bread. Although it can be bought as a starter, we must say that it is extremely heavy and fully satisfies the function as main course. Tasty and very rich, it is all any restaurant-goer might wish for. We finished our night with the chef’s special cheese plate that featured only goat’s cheeses and enough bread and crackers to feed all of Paris.

At a commendable price, we award The Goat 4 out of 5 stars and advise that people reserve a table before going, or one might come to a fully booked establishment.

Open Tuesday through Sunday.

POLITICAL INSIGHT

ANNOUNCEMENT, SAT FEB 4 - Due to the heavy snowfall, the mayor has signed a contract with a Swiss ski and skate factory, ordering for a pair of skis and two pair of skates to be delivered to every household in the Greater Paris Area, affected by the snowstorms. City taxes will as a result be raised 0.5 percent in March.

POLICE REPORT

COKE FIND, MON FEB 6TH - Breaking news! A huge stash of coke has been uncovered underneath the mud in various parts of Paris and new finds keep emerging. All bags are under order to be turned in to the police immediately upon discovery and all of Montmartre is closed off for the next two days while the police works on the case. Note, there is a finder’s fee of €100 for returning any coke finds to the police station. Stay tuned.

network | un: @littlealbatross

[soulmakingsound]

TÊTE-À-TÊTE.

YOUR PARIS NETWORK.

I was not expecting to be here. But exploration shows that there is a corps de ballet.
There are openings. Auditions are imminent.

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